I am unsure if running in circles leads anywhere, but it keeps me busy. I could quickly turn that into a story, one that is exciting and makes me relatable. A struggle that will lead to ultimate success—who doesn’t enjoy that?

Unfortunately, though, reality doesn’t always provide specialness and opportunity. Basically, everything I do is boring, and I must admit… I may not want it any other way anymore.

Time to break the habit, time to break down my habits:

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

How often did I want to leave everything behind? How often did I want something to remain? And how often did I just not care enough?

Every time that happens, I am no longer really here. What exists and what I make of it clash and create an itch. I need to correct it, and if I fail to do so, what happens then?

Even if sometimes my intentions change the circumstances, if I am totally honest… most of the time, it doesn’t work exactly as I likely wanted it to.

And the rare success only makes it harder: Due to my experience and knowledge, I now expect the next occurrence to be completely predictable.

But I know I am mistaken, which makes me even more miserable.

Sweet dreams are made of this.

It appears to me that the next thing is likely not to be the next big thing. I still somewhat believe it might be something that will last forever. Or, if I am not too keen, it should just vanish.

To my surprise, my preferences do not directly change what happens. My stubbornness makes me still hope for the day when my current dreams become reality. But what if this insufficient reality is more like a dream?

Now, I tend to forget that my preferences are not identical to those of others. In fact, they are not even identical to those I cherished in the past or those I will maintain in the future. It’s almost like they are made up. And I think many others are not too different.

There must be some way out of here.

I cannot force unhealthful situations to disappear. Yet, their lifespan appears limited to me: I have let pass many situations of pleasure, pain, and neutrality. They always pass.

Can I trust in this passing? How often do I need to be reminded of the passing taking place? And who could remind me if it is not myself?

I don’t need to keep my ideas alive longer than absolutely necessary. This alone seems to be enough. But this seems easier said than done. Or it could be easier to do than talk about.

Anyway, I should not make such a fuss out of it.

It doesn’t change a single thing, but now I know. That changes everything.

Is it getting better, or do you feel the same?

Some things I do aid me, and some don’t. I should know what they are by now.

I need to accept that my expectations and preferences create all that makes life more complicated than necessary. So, I want to remain gentle and available. Being dishonest about my motives would not support that; I do not wish to harm others or myself. Yet, I need to take care of myself first, as that alone gives me the chance to support others. Closely observing what is happening to me and others, as well as how I react, is crucial. Without reflecting often on that, I cannot gain clarity about my circumstances and options.

This is worth reminding myself of; even if I fail, I will continue anyway.

It is possible that I made this more complicated than required. But I believe many people have done this before. These options are available in many situations.

Everyone could try them out.

You are always welcome.