I think I have been misled, probably by myself. Some other people said something, and I thought it might be relevant. But perhaps it wasn’t. I am not sure. Were they trying to be helpful? Did they succeed? Can I know?

I wasn’t that much better quite often, ultimately. I tend to explain when not asked and recommend when not adequate. After all, shouldn’t they be basically free? My unkept promises are nothing but distractions.

When I am on my own, I know what to do. But I can’t say what that is. But who would be listening anyway?

Oh, I’m looking for clues.

I need to make a difference, which is not always possible without seeing better and worse. But what if I can reduce my judgment or see it as such?

I know my opinions have changed frequently, so maybe I should stick with the facts. One of the facts could be my current arbitrary opinion, a fleeting notion, or a whimsical idea.

Does this make it easier to know what’s up? Am I down for the truth? Reality is already there, all around me. I think I am making up a story… again.

Could you be dead? You always were two steps ahead.

I am not sure whether I need those people and the ideas I have about them. I am also not sure whether I need my ideas about their ideas, etc.

But I am also quite uncertain what point my ideas about myself really make—whenever I forget to refresh them, I can get along fairly well. I mean, I still have my needs, habits, and rituals.

Isn’t that alive already? Only if I do not think that life is a story to be told or a puzzle to be solved. Then everything grows.

I’m ready to go anywhere, I’m ready for to fade.

Oh, can I continue without order and direction? I might have overextended already. I still need to take good care of myself as things need to happen as they do.

I was too irresponsible in many situations, so let me see how I can be responsible in every situation. That doesn’t work out well all the time. But maybe this is my fundamental need, my future habit, and my most important ritual.

There are so many small things I could accomplish. While they will always appear limited compared to what I could imagine, they are still something. And that something is a lot. I think everyone has a lot of ways to contribute, no matter what anyone else thinks about that.

You are always welcome.