Okay, so what was my opinion after all? Did someone ask me? Did I ask myself? I have already forgotten what made me start having this thought, but somehow, I am too fascinated by it, and it seems to be a story that keeps me alive.

But why don’t I remember that this conversation with myself will never last forever, and the longer it goes on, the more complicated and confusing it becomes? I could use a break.

And I tread a troubled track; my odds are stacked.

It seems that my ideas and also my memories of ideas that I had before are much louder than what I actually hear right now. Sometimes, I might even mistake those ideas for what I really see.

I could regret and hope, I could fear and reject, I could adore and judge, and whatever I feel like doing. More and more, these qualities overtake the moment I am in, the content of my senses; they all get overshadowed by MY ideas.

But what a fool believes, he sees!

But at least these ideas are mine—or so I like to think. But can I just leave the attributes to the world? Can I leave them be? And even if I need to compare and evaluate, can I maybe not be completely overwhelmed by my assessment?

Oh… it seems like I am hindering myself.

Quite regularly, it happens that I get reminded that my definitive observations and explicit judgments were all inventions. Why did I even create them in the first place? What do I get from making them fixed and something I would need to justify?

And even the beautiful moments of serenity and calm are also not here to stay. I like it when they arise, but I should not take them for granted. If I know what is happening, maybe it is already helpful to know that whatever happens to me will change anyway.

You can dust it off and try again, try again…

One thing is sure: the repetition legitimizes, and even if it appears dull and pointless, would another (better)story really fix it?

There are too many ideas I could have had if I stayed with one assumption. But if I just let all the unfinished thoughts remain unfinished, I might not have a result. But I might result where I feel pretty okay.

I think I have seen myself collecting myself every now and then. So, it might be something I could see when other people do it, which would be a good opportunity to stop investigating my ideas about them. Maybe then they can also leave the needless stuff behind and see what’s really important right now. That changes constantly for me and for everyone else, and I think that is precisely how it should happen.

You are always welcome.